The day after Christmas...everyone is exhausted and too full from eating too many big meals and too many cookies...most years we look forward to life getting back to a regular schedule, and some time to rest up from all the holiday excitement, but this year we looked forward to mom meeting with her gynecological oncologist/surgeon to see how her CT scan from last week looked and get details on her upcoming surgery.
The good news was mom has gained 2.6 more pounds...she is now up to 105.6, which has her pretty thrilled. She had dropped to 100 pounds in October/November and has been losing weight steadily for the past few years, so this was good news for mom!
Unfortunately, the CT scan showed that the two masses mom has have not shrunk from her three rounds of chemo. This was so disappointing to hear. The plan is to remove both of the large masses, one on her ovary/colon (8cm) and the other is on her liver (6cm), along with removing her entire omentom as that has cancer on it as well. While doing the surgery the doctor said he no doubt will find more cancer in there, but will remove any visible signs of cancer he can. She will also have the complete hysterectomy at the same time. The surgery won't take place until January 25th however, so mom decided she needs to go HOME until then. After some discussion yesterday per phone with Mel and Geoff, the decision has been made to head for home today. Geoff will take her there and stay over one night. We will head up there tomorrow. Hoping the drive goes smooth and there isn't any snow to deal with. Originally they had planned to come to our house today, but with the snow forecast decided it best to head straight North and get mom home asap.
Last night to top off the evening Aaron came home from Coldstone without his new phone. He either left it laying somewhere, or it fell out of his pocket. No sign of it after going back to check all the businesses in the area, and not in the truck either. It has also been shut off, as any calls go directly to voice mail, so no doubt someone has taken it and shut it off as to avoid the phone tracker. What a disappointment so many people have become.
Feeling like I am in panic mode at the moment, and all of last night, everytime I woke up I felt this way. I hate this feeling, and have been praying constantly for peace. Feeling a little angry today as well. Why is it my dear sweet mom has to endure this misery when there are so many nasty people in the world that would be a little more deserving of it? Sometimes I just can't wrap my head around that...why is my question. Why do nice guys/gals seem to finish last in this world?
Please Lord take control of all the madness. I can't handle one more bit of it. Amen.
Thursday, December 27, 2012
Sunday, November 11, 2012
Just what we have been dreading ~
Texted back and forth with my sister Mel today. She was pleased that mom had eaten enchiladas with the family for Sunday dinner today ~ surprised me, but glad to hear mom is going out on a limb!
Mom's hair started coming out yesterday, and today it is falling out in clumps. Breaks my heart to hear this, and told Mel I am glad she is with her right now, as I couldn't bear to see that. Mel said she was wishing it would have fallen out when she was still here, but will take her tomorrow to get a buzz. Mom put her new wig on today. Will take some time to get used to it, but eventually we all will.
Mom is in good spirits but tires easily. Sometimes the thought of her having cancer seems like a bad dream, and then I realize it is not. It is really happening. Somehow I never thought mom would have to endure any suffering of that kind, as she has had a tough enough life. Sometimes it makes me angry, and sometimes I just accept it and know we will get through it. Seems like there are so many horrible people in this world ~ why can't one of them get cancer. I will never understand how the world works and goes round. Seems like so much insanity at times, and at other times, it all seems perfect.
The kids kept saying the other night while we were eating round the dinner table, that it just didn't seem right with grandma not here. Wishing she was with us still, but knowing she has to be in the cities now for her treatments and surgery. Sometimes it overwhelms her...the thought of being away from home so long. And then we talk about what we will look forward to...we wil come up and do spring lawn work, while mom can watch us rake and wash windows....she said that will keep her doing. And the thought of some drive-in food!
Wishing I could take all moms pain and worry away ~ and since I can't, I will pray and pray. The only thing I can do right now~
Until next time~
Mom's hair started coming out yesterday, and today it is falling out in clumps. Breaks my heart to hear this, and told Mel I am glad she is with her right now, as I couldn't bear to see that. Mel said she was wishing it would have fallen out when she was still here, but will take her tomorrow to get a buzz. Mom put her new wig on today. Will take some time to get used to it, but eventually we all will.
Mom is in good spirits but tires easily. Sometimes the thought of her having cancer seems like a bad dream, and then I realize it is not. It is really happening. Somehow I never thought mom would have to endure any suffering of that kind, as she has had a tough enough life. Sometimes it makes me angry, and sometimes I just accept it and know we will get through it. Seems like there are so many horrible people in this world ~ why can't one of them get cancer. I will never understand how the world works and goes round. Seems like so much insanity at times, and at other times, it all seems perfect.
The kids kept saying the other night while we were eating round the dinner table, that it just didn't seem right with grandma not here. Wishing she was with us still, but knowing she has to be in the cities now for her treatments and surgery. Sometimes it overwhelms her...the thought of being away from home so long. And then we talk about what we will look forward to...we wil come up and do spring lawn work, while mom can watch us rake and wash windows....she said that will keep her doing. And the thought of some drive-in food!
Wishing I could take all moms pain and worry away ~ and since I can't, I will pray and pray. The only thing I can do right now~
Until next time~
Goodbye Maddie Lou ='0( 11-10-12
It's hunting season again ~ seems like last year's season just ended! The guys have not had much success this year, and the weather has been cold and damp. Yesterday it lightly rained all day, much like a mist in the produce section of the grocery store. Enough to make one wet and cold in a short time.
Toby and I drove out to his mom and dad's yesterday about noon to bury our dog Maddie. She had been with us for 12 years, just turned 12 years old on Sept 9th, 2012. She was getting a little worse each day, and the last week it was as if she was losing her memory completely. She would sit and bark in the garage, not even by the door, just sitting in the middle of the floor doing nothing. It made us sad and we kept making excuses. When mom got here, she said we just needed to do the right thing for Maddie. So Toby and I talked about it, made a decision on Thursday night, Nov 1st, and talked to the kids, who were crushed, but decided we must bring her to the vet to be put to sleep. The next day I called there, they had an appointment for 2:30 available in Hawley, so TOby's mom said she would come and pick Maddie up and take her. I watched Brooks lay on the floor next to her shortly before he left, and it broke my heart. She was his best buddy in this whole world. I remembered the time he held her singing "you are so beautiful", even though she was in desperate need of a grooming. He loved that dog more than any of us, but we all did. Carol pulled up, I called Maddie to the door, and she came out with me, running into the grass to go potty, looking at me with those big brown eyes, so sweet. When I picked her up I felt yet another big tumor on her underside, this one up by her armpit. I knew in my heart it was the right thing to do, said goodbye to our companion, while the tears poured down my face. Toby's mom drove off, and took care of the difficult choice for us. I stood yesterday at his mom and dad's while he dug a hole for her grave. It was misting out and cold, just such a depressing day. As he picked up the box to carry her over to the grave, tears filled his eyes and ran down his cheeks, along with me doing the same. Before he filled in the hole, I thanked Maddie for all the good memories she brought to our family. She is buried next to Mickey. Rylan wanted God to give his pup back, but is also glad to know Maddie is now playing with Katie's old dog, Patch.
Toby and I drove out to his mom and dad's yesterday about noon to bury our dog Maddie. She had been with us for 12 years, just turned 12 years old on Sept 9th, 2012. She was getting a little worse each day, and the last week it was as if she was losing her memory completely. She would sit and bark in the garage, not even by the door, just sitting in the middle of the floor doing nothing. It made us sad and we kept making excuses. When mom got here, she said we just needed to do the right thing for Maddie. So Toby and I talked about it, made a decision on Thursday night, Nov 1st, and talked to the kids, who were crushed, but decided we must bring her to the vet to be put to sleep. The next day I called there, they had an appointment for 2:30 available in Hawley, so TOby's mom said she would come and pick Maddie up and take her. I watched Brooks lay on the floor next to her shortly before he left, and it broke my heart. She was his best buddy in this whole world. I remembered the time he held her singing "you are so beautiful", even though she was in desperate need of a grooming. He loved that dog more than any of us, but we all did. Carol pulled up, I called Maddie to the door, and she came out with me, running into the grass to go potty, looking at me with those big brown eyes, so sweet. When I picked her up I felt yet another big tumor on her underside, this one up by her armpit. I knew in my heart it was the right thing to do, said goodbye to our companion, while the tears poured down my face. Toby's mom drove off, and took care of the difficult choice for us. I stood yesterday at his mom and dad's while he dug a hole for her grave. It was misting out and cold, just such a depressing day. As he picked up the box to carry her over to the grave, tears filled his eyes and ran down his cheeks, along with me doing the same. Before he filled in the hole, I thanked Maddie for all the good memories she brought to our family. She is buried next to Mickey. Rylan wanted God to give his pup back, but is also glad to know Maddie is now playing with Katie's old dog, Patch.
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
Bad news ~ again.
Returning home from Minneapolis on Saturday with mom, our drive was nice. We laughed and visited all the way, hoping to get home before the snow hit. The flurries started shortly before we did get home, so that was good.
Brooks walked in the door to find that he had a black eye and very swollen nose and left eye. We found out that the night before he had been out with friends at the Sports Zone downtown in Fargo, when most of the group left, leaving him and Robby. They walked out to go, when Robby said he needed to run back in and use the restroom. Upon doing so, Brooks waited outside and fell victim to a group of thugs, who jumped and beat him. He was pretty banged up ~ didn't remember anything from the time he was jumped, to waking up in the back of someone's car...a strange car, and a strange man driving it. He said he was terrified and when he got the chance, he jumped out. Not sure if that is where he got all the abrasions on his body, or when he was being beaten and kicked. He ended up running all the way back to his apartment out past West Acres from downtown, probably about a 5-6 mile trip. He ran home in his cowboy boots, and luckily had his wallet and phone in them, as the thugs were unsuccessful in robbing him.
Every time I closed my eyes for the first couple of nights after this, all I could see was a vision of my sweet son, being kicked and beaten. Broke my heart, and grandma Jo's too. Wish we could have hidden it from her, but didn't want to lie, and Brooks' face was too banged up to hide it. So thankful today that he is alive and not hurt worse. Praying he never goes to a bar again ~ and maybe finds some new friends too.
Brooks walked in the door to find that he had a black eye and very swollen nose and left eye. We found out that the night before he had been out with friends at the Sports Zone downtown in Fargo, when most of the group left, leaving him and Robby. They walked out to go, when Robby said he needed to run back in and use the restroom. Upon doing so, Brooks waited outside and fell victim to a group of thugs, who jumped and beat him. He was pretty banged up ~ didn't remember anything from the time he was jumped, to waking up in the back of someone's car...a strange car, and a strange man driving it. He said he was terrified and when he got the chance, he jumped out. Not sure if that is where he got all the abrasions on his body, or when he was being beaten and kicked. He ended up running all the way back to his apartment out past West Acres from downtown, probably about a 5-6 mile trip. He ran home in his cowboy boots, and luckily had his wallet and phone in them, as the thugs were unsuccessful in robbing him.
Every time I closed my eyes for the first couple of nights after this, all I could see was a vision of my sweet son, being kicked and beaten. Broke my heart, and grandma Jo's too. Wish we could have hidden it from her, but didn't want to lie, and Brooks' face was too banged up to hide it. So thankful today that he is alive and not hurt worse. Praying he never goes to a bar again ~ and maybe finds some new friends too.
Finally, a little sunshine!
Finally a little sunshine!
This past week has been a rollercoaster or emotions. Last Friday Toby and I tagged along with my sister to bring our mom to her first chemo treatment. We were up at the crack of dawn to leave the house, headed for the U of MN in downtown Minneapolis. She was to check in by 6:30am, and so we did. First thing on the adgenda for mom was implanting the port into her upper chest. This required surgery, which went well and fairly quick. She was prepped and taken down about 7:30, and brought back to her room just before 10am. While she was busy with that, we went down to the lounge coffee shop and had a coffee and snack. Once she got back to the room she was hungry as usual ~ so had a bit of breakfast before being wheeled off to the Masonic Center for her chemo treatment. We arrived about 11, so a bit after what they had expected to be the start time of 10:30. But no worries....they took us down the hall to her place, and on the way stopped for the "important stuff", which was a station with a coffee pot, refridgerator and drawers full of snacks and treats. We were told to help ourselves anytime, not just for mom, but for any visitors too. Everyone was so nice ~ exceptional care mom received. She started with the pre-treatment, which consisted of 45 minutes of IV, Benedryl 100 mg, for allergic reactions and also made mom very drowsy. Then a drip of two other things, one to coat her stomach, the other slips my mind. Once those were complete, she got the first dose of chemo, which dripped and dripped for 3 hours. This was much better than expected...no reactions, and mom felt fine. Thank the Good Lord for that...then the final drip which lasted 1.5 hours, finishing the day off about 4:30pm. The pharmacist came with her meds, went over them with mom, and off we went. Toby walked to get the truck in the parking lot and drove right up to pick us up. On our way back to Mel's we went. Got home about 6:30 after being stuck in cities traffic for too long...to find Jon and the girls listening to some nice smooth jazz music, which we enjoyed while eating supper. Swedish meatballs, mashed potatoes and gravy it was ~ and so delicious! Mom even ate...but pretty exhausted and ice cold, she went to bed early. Mom survived the day ~ and we did too. So glad we went along, as it taught us that this was not as bad as we expected, and it was actually as pleasant as we could expect. Hoping each treatment goes this well ~ for now, we will deal with the days to come.
This past week has been a rollercoaster or emotions. Last Friday Toby and I tagged along with my sister to bring our mom to her first chemo treatment. We were up at the crack of dawn to leave the house, headed for the U of MN in downtown Minneapolis. She was to check in by 6:30am, and so we did. First thing on the adgenda for mom was implanting the port into her upper chest. This required surgery, which went well and fairly quick. She was prepped and taken down about 7:30, and brought back to her room just before 10am. While she was busy with that, we went down to the lounge coffee shop and had a coffee and snack. Once she got back to the room she was hungry as usual ~ so had a bit of breakfast before being wheeled off to the Masonic Center for her chemo treatment. We arrived about 11, so a bit after what they had expected to be the start time of 10:30. But no worries....they took us down the hall to her place, and on the way stopped for the "important stuff", which was a station with a coffee pot, refridgerator and drawers full of snacks and treats. We were told to help ourselves anytime, not just for mom, but for any visitors too. Everyone was so nice ~ exceptional care mom received. She started with the pre-treatment, which consisted of 45 minutes of IV, Benedryl 100 mg, for allergic reactions and also made mom very drowsy. Then a drip of two other things, one to coat her stomach, the other slips my mind. Once those were complete, she got the first dose of chemo, which dripped and dripped for 3 hours. This was much better than expected...no reactions, and mom felt fine. Thank the Good Lord for that...then the final drip which lasted 1.5 hours, finishing the day off about 4:30pm. The pharmacist came with her meds, went over them with mom, and off we went. Toby walked to get the truck in the parking lot and drove right up to pick us up. On our way back to Mel's we went. Got home about 6:30 after being stuck in cities traffic for too long...to find Jon and the girls listening to some nice smooth jazz music, which we enjoyed while eating supper. Swedish meatballs, mashed potatoes and gravy it was ~ and so delicious! Mom even ate...but pretty exhausted and ice cold, she went to bed early. Mom survived the day ~ and we did too. So glad we went along, as it taught us that this was not as bad as we expected, and it was actually as pleasant as we could expect. Hoping each treatment goes this well ~ for now, we will deal with the days to come.
Wednesday, October 24, 2012
Cry out to God ~
“God will always give what is right to his people who cry to him night and day, and he will not be slow to answer them.” (Luke 18:7)
So good to hear mom's voice last night ~
On a typical day I would try to call mom somewhere between 4:30 and 5:15pm. Sometimes on our way home from work in the truck, we would put her on the Sync system and both Toby and I could enjoy our phone visits at the same time. Seems like mom was always happy to hear Toby was also on the line...since she got this terrible news and left for the cities we haven't been able to call mom at home. So many times I catch myself reaching for my phone to dial the 218 area code, then realize she is not at home. Kind of makes me want to have her number forwarded to Mel's...just so I can still dial it. Guess I could dial it anyway and leave her a message at home ~ bet other people do that!
Mom sounded sad last night ~ broke my heart to hear her feeling of being homesick. I told her in two days Toby and I will be on our way to the cities to see her, and be there for support when she has her first chemo treatment. She mentioned maybe after that she could tag along and come home with us. I thought she was kidding at first, but she said it again, and I realized she is truly homesick. Being a bit closer to Roseau at our house was sounding good to her...since we are about halfway home :) Wasn't til a bit later that I think I figured out the puzzle. She mentioned Brooks had sent her the nicest message, not on FB, but on that other thing...oh ya, the CaringBridge site. Mel must have printed it off for her ~ so after saying goodbye and hanging up, I looked up the guestbook messages. Brooks did leave the nicest message ~ gave me tears as I read it. This must be the reason for her sudden feelings of homesickness ~ made her think of all the good times in the living room in Roseau ~ in the comfort of her own home, that her and Brooks shared while he lived with her. So thankful he did ~ I have seen many times how much this meant to mom, to have someone to spend time with after dad died 5 years ago ~ but maybe it meant even more than we realized. Thank you Brooks for being a wonderful grandson. You make me so proud. Below is a copy of the message Aaron left for his beloved Grandma Jo on her CB site:
Hi Grandma! Hope your getting better! I
really miss you and have been thinking of you night and day. Can't wait to see you soon. Love you grandma!
-aaron
Next is one from Brooks:
Grandma,
Just wanted to let you know that I'm thinking of you and praying for you everyday. I've been sitting here thinking of all the fun times we've had together, the countless nights of watching TV shows in your living room, the talks we've had on various subjects, or just having an afternoon snack after I got back from school. I'm so thankful for everything you've done for me, you truly hold a special place in my heart. I look forward to having many more memories with you, and I love you very much.
Jesus looked at them and said, "With man this is impossible, but with god all things are possible." -Matthew 19:26
See you soon, Brooks
So proud of our kids...Grandma Jo is blessed beyond belief with amazing love from so many. 11 amazing grandchildren to love her...
Mom sounded sad last night ~ broke my heart to hear her feeling of being homesick. I told her in two days Toby and I will be on our way to the cities to see her, and be there for support when she has her first chemo treatment. She mentioned maybe after that she could tag along and come home with us. I thought she was kidding at first, but she said it again, and I realized she is truly homesick. Being a bit closer to Roseau at our house was sounding good to her...since we are about halfway home :) Wasn't til a bit later that I think I figured out the puzzle. She mentioned Brooks had sent her the nicest message, not on FB, but on that other thing...oh ya, the CaringBridge site. Mel must have printed it off for her ~ so after saying goodbye and hanging up, I looked up the guestbook messages. Brooks did leave the nicest message ~ gave me tears as I read it. This must be the reason for her sudden feelings of homesickness ~ made her think of all the good times in the living room in Roseau ~ in the comfort of her own home, that her and Brooks shared while he lived with her. So thankful he did ~ I have seen many times how much this meant to mom, to have someone to spend time with after dad died 5 years ago ~ but maybe it meant even more than we realized. Thank you Brooks for being a wonderful grandson. You make me so proud. Below is a copy of the message Aaron left for his beloved Grandma Jo on her CB site:
Hi Grandma! Hope your getting better! I
really miss you and have been thinking of you night and day. Can't wait to see you soon. Love you grandma!
-aaron
Next is one from Brooks:
Grandma,
Just wanted to let you know that I'm thinking of you and praying for you everyday. I've been sitting here thinking of all the fun times we've had together, the countless nights of watching TV shows in your living room, the talks we've had on various subjects, or just having an afternoon snack after I got back from school. I'm so thankful for everything you've done for me, you truly hold a special place in my heart. I look forward to having many more memories with you, and I love you very much.
Jesus looked at them and said, "With man this is impossible, but with god all things are possible." -Matthew 19:26
See you soon, Brooks
So proud of our kids...Grandma Jo is blessed beyond belief with amazing love from so many. 11 amazing grandchildren to love her...
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
Mom, Get Well Please ~
Oct 16, 2012 10am
Dear Mom.
I woke up this morning and felt like this is all some bad dream. I think back to the day the doctor told you what she found during surgery, and how strong and positive you are. You amaze me mom, and I want you to know how proud of you that I am. My whole family is ~ we all think you are the best person we know, and have ever known. The example you set in the way you have lived your life is something we are all blessed to witness. Pleading with God about this in my prayers, I had to ask why after all you have had to deal with in life, does this have to happen. It is then that He gently reminds me that my mom has been blessed more than most…with the important things in this life, things like your amazing quality for honesty, your gentleness, kindness, compassion for others, forgiveness, peace, great love of Jesus, being a wonderful caring mom, faithfully loving your husband when he was not easy to love, you have always been content with the simple things in life, a wonderful grandma you are, your grandchildren adore you, as do your kids, you are a great friend to many, you love old people and animals…. the list goes on and on. Looking at this, you have been incredibly blessed. So mom, I know you will keep your chin up and get through this. Just had to let you know how thankful I am that you are my mom. COuldn’t have picked a better one! Wishing I was going to be there when you see the doctor at the U of MN, but we will be there when you have surgery ok!
You are in our prayers ~and we send lots of hugs!
We love you,
Steph , Toby and the fam
Dear Mom.
I woke up this morning and felt like this is all some bad dream. I think back to the day the doctor told you what she found during surgery, and how strong and positive you are. You amaze me mom, and I want you to know how proud of you that I am. My whole family is ~ we all think you are the best person we know, and have ever known. The example you set in the way you have lived your life is something we are all blessed to witness. Pleading with God about this in my prayers, I had to ask why after all you have had to deal with in life, does this have to happen. It is then that He gently reminds me that my mom has been blessed more than most…with the important things in this life, things like your amazing quality for honesty, your gentleness, kindness, compassion for others, forgiveness, peace, great love of Jesus, being a wonderful caring mom, faithfully loving your husband when he was not easy to love, you have always been content with the simple things in life, a wonderful grandma you are, your grandchildren adore you, as do your kids, you are a great friend to many, you love old people and animals…. the list goes on and on. Looking at this, you have been incredibly blessed. So mom, I know you will keep your chin up and get through this. Just had to let you know how thankful I am that you are my mom. COuldn’t have picked a better one! Wishing I was going to be there when you see the doctor at the U of MN, but we will be there when you have surgery ok!
You are in our prayers ~and we send lots of hugs!
We love you,
Steph , Toby and the fam
Hug your mom today ~
I sit today listening to the rain gently falling outside, cars driving past splashing through puddles. Seems the harder I try focusing on the paperwork my desk holds, the harder it is to concentrate. All I can think of is how quickly life can change, how five minutes in one day can change the future forever.
Two weeks ago I sat near my mom's bed at Altru Hospital. She was recovering from surgery that morning. Earlier that day we got up early to get to the hospital for her hysterectomy. She was going to have her uterine prolapse and bladder issues fixed. Little did we know what the doctors would find that day. It is clear in my mind, although when I sat there trying to take it all in, it was as if the world stopped turning. This is how it unfolded.
3am woke up to find mom still awake...She hadn't slept all night after taking the laxative to prepare her for surgery this morning. We arrived at the hospital at 5:10am, checked her in and I sat waiting in the lobby alone. Just after throwing away the empty coffee cup I sat down again, to be greeted by mom's surgeon, Dr. Tanna Setness Hoefs. She pulled up a chair and introduced herself. She started telling me she had bad news. Mom was ok, and in recovery, but upon using the camera scope for the laproscopic hysterectomy, they noticed a spot on mom's omentum. Something that didn't look right, so agreed with the Urologist assisting that they must open mom up to take a further look. Upon doing so, they found a large mass on mom's ovary and and wrapped around her colon. This indicates cancer, and was much too complicated for them to handle. So she stitched mom up and came to share the news with me. Tears filled my eyes as she grabbed my hand to offer some comfort. I remember hearing the words, but it was as if the world stopped turning...everything turned fuzzy, and the words reached my ears as if muffled in a tunnel. Could this really be happening? And if it really is happening, why would this be happening to a wonderful lady like my mom? Hasn't she been through enough sadness in her life? Enough struggle? I mean, aren't there so many wicked people in this world that deserve this? Certainly not my mom. There has to be some mistake. I thanked the doctor and grabbed my purse, barely able to see through the river of tears that were now falling. I walked out into the lobby, called Lindsey and left her a pitiful message to call me. She called back right away, already on her way to the hospital with her 2 1/2 week old baby Adlee. Waiting for her, I called Mel, struggling not to cry, but unsuccessful to say the least. After talking to Mel, I tried Geoff, but got his voicemail, leaving an upbeat message to call me asap. I then called Toby...cried my heart out while sharing the bad news with him. He cried with me. Shortly after hanging up I called mom's sister Lenay. She is as tough as nails...nails made of lead, but inside, I knew she was torn up. She was going to call mom's brother Bernie, so one less call for me to make. Thankful for that. I then called dad's sister Lassa. She calls mom three times a day, and was so very worried. She said she would take care of calling Dave and Jan. Just then a dear older woman walked over to me and asked if I would like to meet with a chaplain. I wholeheartedly said yes...and she led me into a private little room off the waiting room lobby.
Knock knock....the chaplain has arrived. A kind soul, a very gentle spirited man. Happened to be the same man that was there the morning my dad died 5 years ago. Thank you Lord for sending someone so special. He listened through my sobs to what I had just found out about my dear mom, and gave a kind smile, just before we prayed. Then another knock at the door, and Lindsey and baby Adlee walked in. She set down the carseat and just hugged me. Grandma Jo is very special to all the kids, but Lindsey and her grandma have a special bond, formed when Lindsey was very small. She took care of Lindsey on many occasions and they spent so much time together. Lindsey wiped tears, then sat down while we visited with one other pastor and prayed again. Soon they told us we could go up to mom's room as she was out of recovery and in her room.
In room 407 we found a very special and dear woman. A woman who never complains. She was in and out of sleep coming out of the anestesia. The doctor told me she would be happy to explain everything if I did not feel comfortable doing so. Lindsey felt we should wait until mom was awake and clearly thinking. Shortly after that, the doctor walked in to explain what she had found during surgery. Mom received the bad news like any other, and quietly said while holding the doctor's hand "it is as it is, and we will deal with it as a family." Never once did she mention that she has been doctoring for over 2 years now, and why didn't anyone find this!! I was feeling like screaming that from the top of my lungs, but mom being the amazing woman she is, instead, thanked her doctor for finding the mass. After the doctor left I apologized for not telling her sooner, but told her we thought it might be best to wait for the doctor. She told me she thought something was up when she looked at me. I tried not to cry, but anyone that knows me at all, knows I wear my heart on my sleeve, available for all to see my emotions, like it or not.
Toby showed up shortly after the doctor had shared the news....locked his office to drive up to GF to give me support on this sad day. He is the best husband and best friend a woman could ask for. Aaron came along. Toby told me later, on the drive home that night, Aaron sobbed quietly while looking out the window in the dark. Everyone loves Grandma so much. This just can't be happening.
Two weeks ago I sat near my mom's bed at Altru Hospital. She was recovering from surgery that morning. Earlier that day we got up early to get to the hospital for her hysterectomy. She was going to have her uterine prolapse and bladder issues fixed. Little did we know what the doctors would find that day. It is clear in my mind, although when I sat there trying to take it all in, it was as if the world stopped turning. This is how it unfolded.
3am woke up to find mom still awake...She hadn't slept all night after taking the laxative to prepare her for surgery this morning. We arrived at the hospital at 5:10am, checked her in and I sat waiting in the lobby alone. Just after throwing away the empty coffee cup I sat down again, to be greeted by mom's surgeon, Dr. Tanna Setness Hoefs. She pulled up a chair and introduced herself. She started telling me she had bad news. Mom was ok, and in recovery, but upon using the camera scope for the laproscopic hysterectomy, they noticed a spot on mom's omentum. Something that didn't look right, so agreed with the Urologist assisting that they must open mom up to take a further look. Upon doing so, they found a large mass on mom's ovary and and wrapped around her colon. This indicates cancer, and was much too complicated for them to handle. So she stitched mom up and came to share the news with me. Tears filled my eyes as she grabbed my hand to offer some comfort. I remember hearing the words, but it was as if the world stopped turning...everything turned fuzzy, and the words reached my ears as if muffled in a tunnel. Could this really be happening? And if it really is happening, why would this be happening to a wonderful lady like my mom? Hasn't she been through enough sadness in her life? Enough struggle? I mean, aren't there so many wicked people in this world that deserve this? Certainly not my mom. There has to be some mistake. I thanked the doctor and grabbed my purse, barely able to see through the river of tears that were now falling. I walked out into the lobby, called Lindsey and left her a pitiful message to call me. She called back right away, already on her way to the hospital with her 2 1/2 week old baby Adlee. Waiting for her, I called Mel, struggling not to cry, but unsuccessful to say the least. After talking to Mel, I tried Geoff, but got his voicemail, leaving an upbeat message to call me asap. I then called Toby...cried my heart out while sharing the bad news with him. He cried with me. Shortly after hanging up I called mom's sister Lenay. She is as tough as nails...nails made of lead, but inside, I knew she was torn up. She was going to call mom's brother Bernie, so one less call for me to make. Thankful for that. I then called dad's sister Lassa. She calls mom three times a day, and was so very worried. She said she would take care of calling Dave and Jan. Just then a dear older woman walked over to me and asked if I would like to meet with a chaplain. I wholeheartedly said yes...and she led me into a private little room off the waiting room lobby.
Knock knock....the chaplain has arrived. A kind soul, a very gentle spirited man. Happened to be the same man that was there the morning my dad died 5 years ago. Thank you Lord for sending someone so special. He listened through my sobs to what I had just found out about my dear mom, and gave a kind smile, just before we prayed. Then another knock at the door, and Lindsey and baby Adlee walked in. She set down the carseat and just hugged me. Grandma Jo is very special to all the kids, but Lindsey and her grandma have a special bond, formed when Lindsey was very small. She took care of Lindsey on many occasions and they spent so much time together. Lindsey wiped tears, then sat down while we visited with one other pastor and prayed again. Soon they told us we could go up to mom's room as she was out of recovery and in her room.
In room 407 we found a very special and dear woman. A woman who never complains. She was in and out of sleep coming out of the anestesia. The doctor told me she would be happy to explain everything if I did not feel comfortable doing so. Lindsey felt we should wait until mom was awake and clearly thinking. Shortly after that, the doctor walked in to explain what she had found during surgery. Mom received the bad news like any other, and quietly said while holding the doctor's hand "it is as it is, and we will deal with it as a family." Never once did she mention that she has been doctoring for over 2 years now, and why didn't anyone find this!! I was feeling like screaming that from the top of my lungs, but mom being the amazing woman she is, instead, thanked her doctor for finding the mass. After the doctor left I apologized for not telling her sooner, but told her we thought it might be best to wait for the doctor. She told me she thought something was up when she looked at me. I tried not to cry, but anyone that knows me at all, knows I wear my heart on my sleeve, available for all to see my emotions, like it or not.
Toby showed up shortly after the doctor had shared the news....locked his office to drive up to GF to give me support on this sad day. He is the best husband and best friend a woman could ask for. Aaron came along. Toby told me later, on the drive home that night, Aaron sobbed quietly while looking out the window in the dark. Everyone loves Grandma so much. This just can't be happening.
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
It's been one year....today
Seems the time goes further and further between posts...but too much on my mind today not to jot it down, even if for only me to see!
One year ago today was an incredibly difficult day. We said so long to our oldest son at Hector Airport in Fargo, ND about 11:40am that day ~ as we watched him give the final wave after passing through security and re-claiming his bag and jacket, the final wave before he walked through the door and out of our sight did us all in. A year later, I still remember every little detail as if it was yesterday. Here is how it went that day, and the days leading up to it.
September 30th, 2010 Brooks signed with the North Dakota Air National Guard for a 6 year commitment. His training would be soon they said, little did we know it would drag on and on until he finally left on February 1st, 2011. The days leading up to his departure got harder and harder the closer Feb 1st came. Taking care of all the small details such as all the last paperwork at the Guard with Tina Sly, his recruiter, and Glenda, the gal that handled everything that Monday, the day before he left, made it all seem a little more real. The evening before he left we had his good buddies over for dinner....bbq chicken pizza, homemade by me of course, was Brooks' choice for his "last supper at home" so to speak. I recall him taking on a teeny tiny slight attitude that evening...as though he didn't care as much about his family as he did his friends. TOby and I talked about it after and both agreed, this is what Brooks does to "deal" with preparing to say goodbye to his family. Maybe it makes it easier for him ~ we imagine it does. Anyhow, his little brother was having a difficult time...as were his mom and dad. I remember giving him a goodnight hug before turning in that night...going to bed, and crying softly til I fell asleep. Upon opening my eyes the next morning, tears filled my ears almost instantly, realizing that the dreaded day had arrived. We got busy with breakfast, took some family pictures, cried a little, laughed a little, and were soon on our way out the door headed to the airport. Brooks rode with Toby and Aaron in the Ford Escape, while I rode with Lacey and Rylan in the G6, and John and Erik rode together. I took pics of each stop, from the check in counter, ride up the escelator, and a few of Brooks and his favorite little man, Rylan. Before we knew it, the time had come, and we said our final goodbyes and gave long, tight hugs. Erik took pics of the hugs for us so we had them to remember the moments with. I will never forget the feeling of emptiness...the horrible feeling that we were throwing our son to the wolves in a sense ~ but through it all, he held up so well. He is strong like his Grandma Jo we say =) After sneaking in one more hug, he said farewell and headed through security. We stood and watched every moment we could, before he picked up his bag and put his jacket back on, and waved a final goodbye, before heading through the door. Once we could no longer see him it hit like a ton of bricks. The tears literally poured out ~ and when I turned to see the little brother sobbing, and Brooks' buddies come over to hug and console him, we cried even harder. Heading for the car I think the tears may have froze on our cheeks. It was a negative 16 degrees below zero that day...we got in the vehicle and drove North of the airport, hoping to catch one last glimpse of him before they flew away. We waited and waited, and still no plane took off. Finally after getting a couple of text messages from Brooks, we knew the plane had not left yet and was delayed due to the bitter cold and ice. Toby finally had to get back to the office, so we headed for home, where he dropped Aaron and I off. Lots of tears were shed that day, and about 2:30 we got a text from Brooks stating his flight from Fargo to Denver was late, and because of that, he missed his connecting flight to San Antonio, TX. GREAT!! Now what....this was the first time he had flown, and of course was flying alone. The lobby was his resting place for the next 6-7 hours. Little did he know, the airport had a lounge for military. He could have been watching a big screen tv and laying down relaxing the whole day, when he ended up sitting in the airport waiting area the entire time! The nice thing about him being delayed was it gave us lots of time to text back and forth. All day long ~ and finally about 8:20 I received the last one before he finally boarded his flight to TX. Ready for bed...but unable to sleep until I knew he had arrived in TX, I sat on the floor in our room with the little space heater, until I received a text from him at 11:46pm, that said "just landed down in san antonio". Aaahhh, thank goodness he had finally arrived there. Now, hoping his TI's wouldn't be too angry about it! He called from the bus on the way out to the base. They were told this would be the last call they would get for quite awhile. He sounded good. Turned out the three guys that were waiting in the Fargo airport lobby, were also headed for Lackland AFB in San Antonio! They were on the same bus! Brooks was probably on the same flight that day as well. Relief and an empty broken heart all at the same time. It was time to try and get some sleep. I took some nyquil to help with the sleep...big mistake, as my cell phone rang that night at 3:56am. I was in such a deep sleep, I scrambled to find my glasses, dropped them on the floor by the side of the bed, finally found them, found a note pad and do you think I could find a pen if my life depended on it? NO! Only a dull lead pencil...and after writing the first line of his address, the lead broke! It was a comedy of errors....and he couldn't respond to my questions, as he was reading off a script. "Hello, this is Airman 1st Class Brooks Lommen, calling to let you know I have arrived safely, and to give you my new mailing address. Please gather a pen and paper, and please hurry. My training instructor is not a patient person." All I wanted to hear was that he was alright!!! He did sound good though...other than a little nervous. "please do NOT send packages. My training instructor HATES packages" Before I knew it, he had hung up the phone. That was the last I would hear from our son for awhile. More tears set in once again. Thank GOD he only has 44 days left before graduating from his 3rd destination at Camp Blanding in Starke, FL on March 16th. The day he drives into our driveway can't come soon enough! We miss you like crazy Brooks, and are soooo proud of you! =o)
Goodnight.
One year ago today was an incredibly difficult day. We said so long to our oldest son at Hector Airport in Fargo, ND about 11:40am that day ~ as we watched him give the final wave after passing through security and re-claiming his bag and jacket, the final wave before he walked through the door and out of our sight did us all in. A year later, I still remember every little detail as if it was yesterday. Here is how it went that day, and the days leading up to it.
September 30th, 2010 Brooks signed with the North Dakota Air National Guard for a 6 year commitment. His training would be soon they said, little did we know it would drag on and on until he finally left on February 1st, 2011. The days leading up to his departure got harder and harder the closer Feb 1st came. Taking care of all the small details such as all the last paperwork at the Guard with Tina Sly, his recruiter, and Glenda, the gal that handled everything that Monday, the day before he left, made it all seem a little more real. The evening before he left we had his good buddies over for dinner....bbq chicken pizza, homemade by me of course, was Brooks' choice for his "last supper at home" so to speak. I recall him taking on a teeny tiny slight attitude that evening...as though he didn't care as much about his family as he did his friends. TOby and I talked about it after and both agreed, this is what Brooks does to "deal" with preparing to say goodbye to his family. Maybe it makes it easier for him ~ we imagine it does. Anyhow, his little brother was having a difficult time...as were his mom and dad. I remember giving him a goodnight hug before turning in that night...going to bed, and crying softly til I fell asleep. Upon opening my eyes the next morning, tears filled my ears almost instantly, realizing that the dreaded day had arrived. We got busy with breakfast, took some family pictures, cried a little, laughed a little, and were soon on our way out the door headed to the airport. Brooks rode with Toby and Aaron in the Ford Escape, while I rode with Lacey and Rylan in the G6, and John and Erik rode together. I took pics of each stop, from the check in counter, ride up the escelator, and a few of Brooks and his favorite little man, Rylan. Before we knew it, the time had come, and we said our final goodbyes and gave long, tight hugs. Erik took pics of the hugs for us so we had them to remember the moments with. I will never forget the feeling of emptiness...the horrible feeling that we were throwing our son to the wolves in a sense ~ but through it all, he held up so well. He is strong like his Grandma Jo we say =) After sneaking in one more hug, he said farewell and headed through security. We stood and watched every moment we could, before he picked up his bag and put his jacket back on, and waved a final goodbye, before heading through the door. Once we could no longer see him it hit like a ton of bricks. The tears literally poured out ~ and when I turned to see the little brother sobbing, and Brooks' buddies come over to hug and console him, we cried even harder. Heading for the car I think the tears may have froze on our cheeks. It was a negative 16 degrees below zero that day...we got in the vehicle and drove North of the airport, hoping to catch one last glimpse of him before they flew away. We waited and waited, and still no plane took off. Finally after getting a couple of text messages from Brooks, we knew the plane had not left yet and was delayed due to the bitter cold and ice. Toby finally had to get back to the office, so we headed for home, where he dropped Aaron and I off. Lots of tears were shed that day, and about 2:30 we got a text from Brooks stating his flight from Fargo to Denver was late, and because of that, he missed his connecting flight to San Antonio, TX. GREAT!! Now what....this was the first time he had flown, and of course was flying alone. The lobby was his resting place for the next 6-7 hours. Little did he know, the airport had a lounge for military. He could have been watching a big screen tv and laying down relaxing the whole day, when he ended up sitting in the airport waiting area the entire time! The nice thing about him being delayed was it gave us lots of time to text back and forth. All day long ~ and finally about 8:20 I received the last one before he finally boarded his flight to TX. Ready for bed...but unable to sleep until I knew he had arrived in TX, I sat on the floor in our room with the little space heater, until I received a text from him at 11:46pm, that said "just landed down in san antonio". Aaahhh, thank goodness he had finally arrived there. Now, hoping his TI's wouldn't be too angry about it! He called from the bus on the way out to the base. They were told this would be the last call they would get for quite awhile. He sounded good. Turned out the three guys that were waiting in the Fargo airport lobby, were also headed for Lackland AFB in San Antonio! They were on the same bus! Brooks was probably on the same flight that day as well. Relief and an empty broken heart all at the same time. It was time to try and get some sleep. I took some nyquil to help with the sleep...big mistake, as my cell phone rang that night at 3:56am. I was in such a deep sleep, I scrambled to find my glasses, dropped them on the floor by the side of the bed, finally found them, found a note pad and do you think I could find a pen if my life depended on it? NO! Only a dull lead pencil...and after writing the first line of his address, the lead broke! It was a comedy of errors....and he couldn't respond to my questions, as he was reading off a script. "Hello, this is Airman 1st Class Brooks Lommen, calling to let you know I have arrived safely, and to give you my new mailing address. Please gather a pen and paper, and please hurry. My training instructor is not a patient person." All I wanted to hear was that he was alright!!! He did sound good though...other than a little nervous. "please do NOT send packages. My training instructor HATES packages" Before I knew it, he had hung up the phone. That was the last I would hear from our son for awhile. More tears set in once again. Thank GOD he only has 44 days left before graduating from his 3rd destination at Camp Blanding in Starke, FL on March 16th. The day he drives into our driveway can't come soon enough! We miss you like crazy Brooks, and are soooo proud of you! =o)
Goodnight.
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