Forgot to add...
When Toby spoke those kind words to me last night, I hugged him while laying my head on his shoulder and told him I would marry him all over again too. And this time I would be a better wife. He told me "you have been the perfect wife...you have made me so happy." Like raindrops dancing on my heart...it tickled me to hear these words. But I truly wish I could rewind and do it all over again. I would be a much better wife, regardless of what he says! I love him to the sliver moon and back...
Wednesday, October 30, 2013
He really is ~ the love of my life ~
A sad and depressing day it is, according to the weather anyway. Winter is approaching and as the mist falls today we hear warnings of slick roadways later tonight. Oh boy I am not ready for this. Another depressing October. Last October, 2012, we found out mom had cancer. After three rounds of chemo, a huge surgery removing 8 canisters of tumors in different areas of her abdomen, the most recent scan in August says the cancer has come back already. Within 6 months, Dr. Levi Downs said this will have a very poor prognosis. And so we pray. Mom has put herself in God's hands and has a great attitude. Always has. That's why she's the wonder mom!
On to today's business. Toby just returned to the office after having a morning at Sanford's Heart Center. Last Thursday, out of the blue, Lillestol Research called him to see if he would be willing to participate in a study for a diabetes drug. He said sure, and had to go in the next morning for preliminary bloodwork. This turned out badly...and because his numbers were so high, they printed off his results and handed them to him, telling him to get to his doctor right away. TODAY! And so we did...got in to see Dr. Hella at noon. Dr. Hella was alarmed as well, and so did some slight changes in meds and scheduled him for a stress test this morning. We didn't realize what a big deal this test is...no food or drink after midnight, and no caffeine all day yesterday. Upon arriving at Sanford this morning we whipped out the snack size ziplock baggies that held Toby's credentials. Our little bitty puppy decided to chew up his wallet this morning in the span of about 5 minutes...at least he left the credit cards and his license alone! Gave us a good laugh through the nervousness at least. Toby's stress test is done for today, and he has to return again tomorrow for part II. Praying for God's mercy and that the doctors will read all the info correctly.
Last night while laying in bed next to my very best friend in all the world, Toby was talking about this test and what if's...what if he needs to have an angiogram? What if he needs to have a stent? What if he needs open heart surgery? We all push these what if's far into the future...when we get old, we say. But guess we have arrived at that station already! While laying in the dark, he lovingly held my hand, like we always do when laying by each other in bed, and said he wanted me to know something. Just in case. Just in case he would happen to die. He told me "I am so happy I have had the privalege of being married to you Stephanie Lommen, my best friend, you have made me so happy, and if I die, I want you to know that. I would marry you all over again." It brought tears to my eyes, and I told him I feel the exact same way. I am so thankful for him...he really is ~ the love of my life ~ and most people never get a chance to experience love like this...and we have had it for over 30 years. Truly blessed we are. Truly blessed.
More next time~
On to today's business. Toby just returned to the office after having a morning at Sanford's Heart Center. Last Thursday, out of the blue, Lillestol Research called him to see if he would be willing to participate in a study for a diabetes drug. He said sure, and had to go in the next morning for preliminary bloodwork. This turned out badly...and because his numbers were so high, they printed off his results and handed them to him, telling him to get to his doctor right away. TODAY! And so we did...got in to see Dr. Hella at noon. Dr. Hella was alarmed as well, and so did some slight changes in meds and scheduled him for a stress test this morning. We didn't realize what a big deal this test is...no food or drink after midnight, and no caffeine all day yesterday. Upon arriving at Sanford this morning we whipped out the snack size ziplock baggies that held Toby's credentials. Our little bitty puppy decided to chew up his wallet this morning in the span of about 5 minutes...at least he left the credit cards and his license alone! Gave us a good laugh through the nervousness at least. Toby's stress test is done for today, and he has to return again tomorrow for part II. Praying for God's mercy and that the doctors will read all the info correctly.
Last night while laying in bed next to my very best friend in all the world, Toby was talking about this test and what if's...what if he needs to have an angiogram? What if he needs to have a stent? What if he needs open heart surgery? We all push these what if's far into the future...when we get old, we say. But guess we have arrived at that station already! While laying in the dark, he lovingly held my hand, like we always do when laying by each other in bed, and said he wanted me to know something. Just in case. Just in case he would happen to die. He told me "I am so happy I have had the privalege of being married to you Stephanie Lommen, my best friend, you have made me so happy, and if I die, I want you to know that. I would marry you all over again." It brought tears to my eyes, and I told him I feel the exact same way. I am so thankful for him...he really is ~ the love of my life ~ and most people never get a chance to experience love like this...and we have had it for over 30 years. Truly blessed we are. Truly blessed.
More next time~
Thursday, December 27, 2012
Do nice guys/gals really finish last?
The day after Christmas...everyone is exhausted and too full from eating too many big meals and too many cookies...most years we look forward to life getting back to a regular schedule, and some time to rest up from all the holiday excitement, but this year we looked forward to mom meeting with her gynecological oncologist/surgeon to see how her CT scan from last week looked and get details on her upcoming surgery.
The good news was mom has gained 2.6 more pounds...she is now up to 105.6, which has her pretty thrilled. She had dropped to 100 pounds in October/November and has been losing weight steadily for the past few years, so this was good news for mom!
Unfortunately, the CT scan showed that the two masses mom has have not shrunk from her three rounds of chemo. This was so disappointing to hear. The plan is to remove both of the large masses, one on her ovary/colon (8cm) and the other is on her liver (6cm), along with removing her entire omentom as that has cancer on it as well. While doing the surgery the doctor said he no doubt will find more cancer in there, but will remove any visible signs of cancer he can. She will also have the complete hysterectomy at the same time. The surgery won't take place until January 25th however, so mom decided she needs to go HOME until then. After some discussion yesterday per phone with Mel and Geoff, the decision has been made to head for home today. Geoff will take her there and stay over one night. We will head up there tomorrow. Hoping the drive goes smooth and there isn't any snow to deal with. Originally they had planned to come to our house today, but with the snow forecast decided it best to head straight North and get mom home asap.
Last night to top off the evening Aaron came home from Coldstone without his new phone. He either left it laying somewhere, or it fell out of his pocket. No sign of it after going back to check all the businesses in the area, and not in the truck either. It has also been shut off, as any calls go directly to voice mail, so no doubt someone has taken it and shut it off as to avoid the phone tracker. What a disappointment so many people have become.
Feeling like I am in panic mode at the moment, and all of last night, everytime I woke up I felt this way. I hate this feeling, and have been praying constantly for peace. Feeling a little angry today as well. Why is it my dear sweet mom has to endure this misery when there are so many nasty people in the world that would be a little more deserving of it? Sometimes I just can't wrap my head around that...why is my question. Why do nice guys/gals seem to finish last in this world?
Please Lord take control of all the madness. I can't handle one more bit of it. Amen.
The good news was mom has gained 2.6 more pounds...she is now up to 105.6, which has her pretty thrilled. She had dropped to 100 pounds in October/November and has been losing weight steadily for the past few years, so this was good news for mom!
Unfortunately, the CT scan showed that the two masses mom has have not shrunk from her three rounds of chemo. This was so disappointing to hear. The plan is to remove both of the large masses, one on her ovary/colon (8cm) and the other is on her liver (6cm), along with removing her entire omentom as that has cancer on it as well. While doing the surgery the doctor said he no doubt will find more cancer in there, but will remove any visible signs of cancer he can. She will also have the complete hysterectomy at the same time. The surgery won't take place until January 25th however, so mom decided she needs to go HOME until then. After some discussion yesterday per phone with Mel and Geoff, the decision has been made to head for home today. Geoff will take her there and stay over one night. We will head up there tomorrow. Hoping the drive goes smooth and there isn't any snow to deal with. Originally they had planned to come to our house today, but with the snow forecast decided it best to head straight North and get mom home asap.
Last night to top off the evening Aaron came home from Coldstone without his new phone. He either left it laying somewhere, or it fell out of his pocket. No sign of it after going back to check all the businesses in the area, and not in the truck either. It has also been shut off, as any calls go directly to voice mail, so no doubt someone has taken it and shut it off as to avoid the phone tracker. What a disappointment so many people have become.
Feeling like I am in panic mode at the moment, and all of last night, everytime I woke up I felt this way. I hate this feeling, and have been praying constantly for peace. Feeling a little angry today as well. Why is it my dear sweet mom has to endure this misery when there are so many nasty people in the world that would be a little more deserving of it? Sometimes I just can't wrap my head around that...why is my question. Why do nice guys/gals seem to finish last in this world?
Please Lord take control of all the madness. I can't handle one more bit of it. Amen.
Sunday, November 11, 2012
Just what we have been dreading ~
Texted back and forth with my sister Mel today. She was pleased that mom had eaten enchiladas with the family for Sunday dinner today ~ surprised me, but glad to hear mom is going out on a limb!
Mom's hair started coming out yesterday, and today it is falling out in clumps. Breaks my heart to hear this, and told Mel I am glad she is with her right now, as I couldn't bear to see that. Mel said she was wishing it would have fallen out when she was still here, but will take her tomorrow to get a buzz. Mom put her new wig on today. Will take some time to get used to it, but eventually we all will.
Mom is in good spirits but tires easily. Sometimes the thought of her having cancer seems like a bad dream, and then I realize it is not. It is really happening. Somehow I never thought mom would have to endure any suffering of that kind, as she has had a tough enough life. Sometimes it makes me angry, and sometimes I just accept it and know we will get through it. Seems like there are so many horrible people in this world ~ why can't one of them get cancer. I will never understand how the world works and goes round. Seems like so much insanity at times, and at other times, it all seems perfect.
The kids kept saying the other night while we were eating round the dinner table, that it just didn't seem right with grandma not here. Wishing she was with us still, but knowing she has to be in the cities now for her treatments and surgery. Sometimes it overwhelms her...the thought of being away from home so long. And then we talk about what we will look forward to...we wil come up and do spring lawn work, while mom can watch us rake and wash windows....she said that will keep her doing. And the thought of some drive-in food!
Wishing I could take all moms pain and worry away ~ and since I can't, I will pray and pray. The only thing I can do right now~
Until next time~
Mom's hair started coming out yesterday, and today it is falling out in clumps. Breaks my heart to hear this, and told Mel I am glad she is with her right now, as I couldn't bear to see that. Mel said she was wishing it would have fallen out when she was still here, but will take her tomorrow to get a buzz. Mom put her new wig on today. Will take some time to get used to it, but eventually we all will.
Mom is in good spirits but tires easily. Sometimes the thought of her having cancer seems like a bad dream, and then I realize it is not. It is really happening. Somehow I never thought mom would have to endure any suffering of that kind, as she has had a tough enough life. Sometimes it makes me angry, and sometimes I just accept it and know we will get through it. Seems like there are so many horrible people in this world ~ why can't one of them get cancer. I will never understand how the world works and goes round. Seems like so much insanity at times, and at other times, it all seems perfect.
The kids kept saying the other night while we were eating round the dinner table, that it just didn't seem right with grandma not here. Wishing she was with us still, but knowing she has to be in the cities now for her treatments and surgery. Sometimes it overwhelms her...the thought of being away from home so long. And then we talk about what we will look forward to...we wil come up and do spring lawn work, while mom can watch us rake and wash windows....she said that will keep her doing. And the thought of some drive-in food!
Wishing I could take all moms pain and worry away ~ and since I can't, I will pray and pray. The only thing I can do right now~
Until next time~
Goodbye Maddie Lou ='0( 11-10-12
It's hunting season again ~ seems like last year's season just ended! The guys have not had much success this year, and the weather has been cold and damp. Yesterday it lightly rained all day, much like a mist in the produce section of the grocery store. Enough to make one wet and cold in a short time.
Toby and I drove out to his mom and dad's yesterday about noon to bury our dog Maddie. She had been with us for 12 years, just turned 12 years old on Sept 9th, 2012. She was getting a little worse each day, and the last week it was as if she was losing her memory completely. She would sit and bark in the garage, not even by the door, just sitting in the middle of the floor doing nothing. It made us sad and we kept making excuses. When mom got here, she said we just needed to do the right thing for Maddie. So Toby and I talked about it, made a decision on Thursday night, Nov 1st, and talked to the kids, who were crushed, but decided we must bring her to the vet to be put to sleep. The next day I called there, they had an appointment for 2:30 available in Hawley, so TOby's mom said she would come and pick Maddie up and take her. I watched Brooks lay on the floor next to her shortly before he left, and it broke my heart. She was his best buddy in this whole world. I remembered the time he held her singing "you are so beautiful", even though she was in desperate need of a grooming. He loved that dog more than any of us, but we all did. Carol pulled up, I called Maddie to the door, and she came out with me, running into the grass to go potty, looking at me with those big brown eyes, so sweet. When I picked her up I felt yet another big tumor on her underside, this one up by her armpit. I knew in my heart it was the right thing to do, said goodbye to our companion, while the tears poured down my face. Toby's mom drove off, and took care of the difficult choice for us. I stood yesterday at his mom and dad's while he dug a hole for her grave. It was misting out and cold, just such a depressing day. As he picked up the box to carry her over to the grave, tears filled his eyes and ran down his cheeks, along with me doing the same. Before he filled in the hole, I thanked Maddie for all the good memories she brought to our family. She is buried next to Mickey. Rylan wanted God to give his pup back, but is also glad to know Maddie is now playing with Katie's old dog, Patch.
Toby and I drove out to his mom and dad's yesterday about noon to bury our dog Maddie. She had been with us for 12 years, just turned 12 years old on Sept 9th, 2012. She was getting a little worse each day, and the last week it was as if she was losing her memory completely. She would sit and bark in the garage, not even by the door, just sitting in the middle of the floor doing nothing. It made us sad and we kept making excuses. When mom got here, she said we just needed to do the right thing for Maddie. So Toby and I talked about it, made a decision on Thursday night, Nov 1st, and talked to the kids, who were crushed, but decided we must bring her to the vet to be put to sleep. The next day I called there, they had an appointment for 2:30 available in Hawley, so TOby's mom said she would come and pick Maddie up and take her. I watched Brooks lay on the floor next to her shortly before he left, and it broke my heart. She was his best buddy in this whole world. I remembered the time he held her singing "you are so beautiful", even though she was in desperate need of a grooming. He loved that dog more than any of us, but we all did. Carol pulled up, I called Maddie to the door, and she came out with me, running into the grass to go potty, looking at me with those big brown eyes, so sweet. When I picked her up I felt yet another big tumor on her underside, this one up by her armpit. I knew in my heart it was the right thing to do, said goodbye to our companion, while the tears poured down my face. Toby's mom drove off, and took care of the difficult choice for us. I stood yesterday at his mom and dad's while he dug a hole for her grave. It was misting out and cold, just such a depressing day. As he picked up the box to carry her over to the grave, tears filled his eyes and ran down his cheeks, along with me doing the same. Before he filled in the hole, I thanked Maddie for all the good memories she brought to our family. She is buried next to Mickey. Rylan wanted God to give his pup back, but is also glad to know Maddie is now playing with Katie's old dog, Patch.
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
Bad news ~ again.
Returning home from Minneapolis on Saturday with mom, our drive was nice. We laughed and visited all the way, hoping to get home before the snow hit. The flurries started shortly before we did get home, so that was good.
Brooks walked in the door to find that he had a black eye and very swollen nose and left eye. We found out that the night before he had been out with friends at the Sports Zone downtown in Fargo, when most of the group left, leaving him and Robby. They walked out to go, when Robby said he needed to run back in and use the restroom. Upon doing so, Brooks waited outside and fell victim to a group of thugs, who jumped and beat him. He was pretty banged up ~ didn't remember anything from the time he was jumped, to waking up in the back of someone's car...a strange car, and a strange man driving it. He said he was terrified and when he got the chance, he jumped out. Not sure if that is where he got all the abrasions on his body, or when he was being beaten and kicked. He ended up running all the way back to his apartment out past West Acres from downtown, probably about a 5-6 mile trip. He ran home in his cowboy boots, and luckily had his wallet and phone in them, as the thugs were unsuccessful in robbing him.
Every time I closed my eyes for the first couple of nights after this, all I could see was a vision of my sweet son, being kicked and beaten. Broke my heart, and grandma Jo's too. Wish we could have hidden it from her, but didn't want to lie, and Brooks' face was too banged up to hide it. So thankful today that he is alive and not hurt worse. Praying he never goes to a bar again ~ and maybe finds some new friends too.
Brooks walked in the door to find that he had a black eye and very swollen nose and left eye. We found out that the night before he had been out with friends at the Sports Zone downtown in Fargo, when most of the group left, leaving him and Robby. They walked out to go, when Robby said he needed to run back in and use the restroom. Upon doing so, Brooks waited outside and fell victim to a group of thugs, who jumped and beat him. He was pretty banged up ~ didn't remember anything from the time he was jumped, to waking up in the back of someone's car...a strange car, and a strange man driving it. He said he was terrified and when he got the chance, he jumped out. Not sure if that is where he got all the abrasions on his body, or when he was being beaten and kicked. He ended up running all the way back to his apartment out past West Acres from downtown, probably about a 5-6 mile trip. He ran home in his cowboy boots, and luckily had his wallet and phone in them, as the thugs were unsuccessful in robbing him.
Every time I closed my eyes for the first couple of nights after this, all I could see was a vision of my sweet son, being kicked and beaten. Broke my heart, and grandma Jo's too. Wish we could have hidden it from her, but didn't want to lie, and Brooks' face was too banged up to hide it. So thankful today that he is alive and not hurt worse. Praying he never goes to a bar again ~ and maybe finds some new friends too.
Finally, a little sunshine!
Finally a little sunshine!
This past week has been a rollercoaster or emotions. Last Friday Toby and I tagged along with my sister to bring our mom to her first chemo treatment. We were up at the crack of dawn to leave the house, headed for the U of MN in downtown Minneapolis. She was to check in by 6:30am, and so we did. First thing on the adgenda for mom was implanting the port into her upper chest. This required surgery, which went well and fairly quick. She was prepped and taken down about 7:30, and brought back to her room just before 10am. While she was busy with that, we went down to the lounge coffee shop and had a coffee and snack. Once she got back to the room she was hungry as usual ~ so had a bit of breakfast before being wheeled off to the Masonic Center for her chemo treatment. We arrived about 11, so a bit after what they had expected to be the start time of 10:30. But no worries....they took us down the hall to her place, and on the way stopped for the "important stuff", which was a station with a coffee pot, refridgerator and drawers full of snacks and treats. We were told to help ourselves anytime, not just for mom, but for any visitors too. Everyone was so nice ~ exceptional care mom received. She started with the pre-treatment, which consisted of 45 minutes of IV, Benedryl 100 mg, for allergic reactions and also made mom very drowsy. Then a drip of two other things, one to coat her stomach, the other slips my mind. Once those were complete, she got the first dose of chemo, which dripped and dripped for 3 hours. This was much better than expected...no reactions, and mom felt fine. Thank the Good Lord for that...then the final drip which lasted 1.5 hours, finishing the day off about 4:30pm. The pharmacist came with her meds, went over them with mom, and off we went. Toby walked to get the truck in the parking lot and drove right up to pick us up. On our way back to Mel's we went. Got home about 6:30 after being stuck in cities traffic for too long...to find Jon and the girls listening to some nice smooth jazz music, which we enjoyed while eating supper. Swedish meatballs, mashed potatoes and gravy it was ~ and so delicious! Mom even ate...but pretty exhausted and ice cold, she went to bed early. Mom survived the day ~ and we did too. So glad we went along, as it taught us that this was not as bad as we expected, and it was actually as pleasant as we could expect. Hoping each treatment goes this well ~ for now, we will deal with the days to come.
This past week has been a rollercoaster or emotions. Last Friday Toby and I tagged along with my sister to bring our mom to her first chemo treatment. We were up at the crack of dawn to leave the house, headed for the U of MN in downtown Minneapolis. She was to check in by 6:30am, and so we did. First thing on the adgenda for mom was implanting the port into her upper chest. This required surgery, which went well and fairly quick. She was prepped and taken down about 7:30, and brought back to her room just before 10am. While she was busy with that, we went down to the lounge coffee shop and had a coffee and snack. Once she got back to the room she was hungry as usual ~ so had a bit of breakfast before being wheeled off to the Masonic Center for her chemo treatment. We arrived about 11, so a bit after what they had expected to be the start time of 10:30. But no worries....they took us down the hall to her place, and on the way stopped for the "important stuff", which was a station with a coffee pot, refridgerator and drawers full of snacks and treats. We were told to help ourselves anytime, not just for mom, but for any visitors too. Everyone was so nice ~ exceptional care mom received. She started with the pre-treatment, which consisted of 45 minutes of IV, Benedryl 100 mg, for allergic reactions and also made mom very drowsy. Then a drip of two other things, one to coat her stomach, the other slips my mind. Once those were complete, she got the first dose of chemo, which dripped and dripped for 3 hours. This was much better than expected...no reactions, and mom felt fine. Thank the Good Lord for that...then the final drip which lasted 1.5 hours, finishing the day off about 4:30pm. The pharmacist came with her meds, went over them with mom, and off we went. Toby walked to get the truck in the parking lot and drove right up to pick us up. On our way back to Mel's we went. Got home about 6:30 after being stuck in cities traffic for too long...to find Jon and the girls listening to some nice smooth jazz music, which we enjoyed while eating supper. Swedish meatballs, mashed potatoes and gravy it was ~ and so delicious! Mom even ate...but pretty exhausted and ice cold, she went to bed early. Mom survived the day ~ and we did too. So glad we went along, as it taught us that this was not as bad as we expected, and it was actually as pleasant as we could expect. Hoping each treatment goes this well ~ for now, we will deal with the days to come.
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